I’m becoming a little tired of the responses to that RHE article that just dismiss her points as being caused by being a spoiled, entitled millennial.
Because you know what? We aren’t.
Leaving, partially leaving, or considering leaving this culture that we grew up in is painful. It feels like a slow amputation, and you know that even if you leave, you will feel the absence.
It is not something I want to do or am doing lightly. I am not having a hissy fit and just looking for something to make me happy. For God’s sake, I’m an INFJ. I’m rarely happy! I thrive in tension and analysis and questioning.
I don’t mind staying in a place where I am constantly wrestling. But I need someone on the mat with me.
I am leaving evangelicalism because my tensions are not welcome. What I have to say is not wanted. I’m left on the mat, alone. If that makes me spoiled, so be it.
If not wanting to be told from the pulpit that the strength of my relationship with God is provable by how much I disbelieve evolution makes me entitled, then fine. I’m entitled.
If it is entitlement to want to discuss theological disagreements and not be told I don’t believe the Bible, then fine. I’m entitled.
If it’s entitlement to get tired of churches and movements just sitting around and praying a prophetic word to make your life better, to be frustrated that the goal is just to pray for revival, pray for our nation’s healing, pray for God to show up, then fine, I’m entitled.
If being incredibly annoyed that I can’t even send my kids to VBS without them coming home with tracts makes me entitled, then color me spoiled.
If voicing my support for gay rights means people tell me they are praying for me, then I’m out! If that means I’m a spoiled member of the ME generation, then so. be. it.
I am tired of having to hide what I believe in a culture that prides itself on being welcoming, accepting, and real. When the tagline on so many churches is ‘come as you are’ but they don’t really mean it, I’m done.
If wanting to find a group of people who follow Jesus the way I feel him calling me to follow makes me entitled, then fine. I guess I’m just entitled.
I shouldn’t have to continue making a list to justify why I am slowly making my way out of evangelicalism.
Who exactly am I having to prove my reasons to? To people who don’t want to engage while I’m still here?
When I see how my church tradition, and even my specific churches, treats people like Rob Bell or RHE, when I know the shitstorm that will ensue come November and Jesus Feminist hits the stands – why would I want to open myself up to the same thing?
I don’t need the blessing of the evangelical complex to leave. I don’t need to prove my love for Jesus or explain that I understand that I can’t leave the Body.
I am not leaving the culture that I know because I am seeking happiness. I am leaving it because if I stay, I will become even more bitter, cynical, and lonely.
If that makes me entitled, then fine.
Call me entitled.
When the continued response by people is dismissal of the thoughts in the article, that just adds to the alienation and pushes me out the door even faster.
If that means I’m entitled, well, I just don’t care anymore.
It has been many years since I left evangelicalism after an admittedly brief foray, but the power and conviction with which you speak really speaks to me. I hope very much that you find the expression of the church that is both comforting and challenging, with authentic community and spiritual depth and maybe even an awesome VBS program for your kids. For me, I’ve found this within mainline traditions – the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), and currently a congregation of the United Church of Christ where I serve as a pastor.
Blessings to you, and again: thank you for this.
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excellent piece! felt the same way and am out! you will feel so much better once its all complete–I liken it to recovery. Great stuff!
Oh, Caris. This, right here : “I don’t mind staying in a place where I am constantly wrestling. But I need someone on the mat with me. I am leaving evangelicalism because my tensions are not welcome.”
I have a lot of conflicting feelings about all this church/millennials talk this week. I grew up in a wonderful faith community that was like an extended family to me, but looking back, there were some alarming things about it that have had a lasting impact on me and my peers. I left a church that was morphing into a cult almost 2 years ago, and at that point, I was really not sure I would ever find The Church again, but a few months later I found a place that has renewed my faith. I get why people are leaving, but I also believe it’s possible to stay. But you’re right – if there’s no one on the mat with you, if you have to conform to a pattern of ideals and behaviors to stay and it means squelching all of your real, true conversations with God, then what is the point? You don’t have to justify that to anyone. God understands. God sees you and your wrestling and loves you for it. Ironically, that’s the thing that Christians always seem to forget. God’s not fooled by our pretending and conforming.
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Excellent work. Couldn’t agree more. I kind of feel like punching a few people in the face and then holding this article to their eyeballs… but that would be mean.
Someone else just recommended DOC to me, so I’ll have to look into that a bit. 🙂
Yes, recovery is a good way to look at it. I think I’m moving towards Episcopalian, but I don’t think my family is completely on board yet, ha!
Ha! Thanks, Chris
I think the hiding is what’s most frustrating for me. I don’t even think I’d mind if most people disagreed – although having a few like-minded people would be nice, ha! But the times when I have ventured out to say something and am completely not heard, disregarded, or told I am just wrong….that just pushes me back inside. It’s so frustrating to have no one interested in me. That’s not necessarily an indictment on the people I know; I’m sure they’re growing and helping other people. But I need to be in a healthy place, having a community that is at least just as encouraging as they are discouraging, lol.This whole thing has taught me that I do need community, because doing it alone is just really hard and lonely.
Yes, I think you make a really important point there, one that I’ve been mulling over for awhile. The emphasis that I’ve always seen within evangelicalism is that Christian relationships and Christian culture matter more than *healthy* relationships and *healthy* culture. Growing up, that meant that I socialized within my youth group and had very few nonChristian friends, but a lot of those relationships with my Christian peers were really unhealthy, and I struggled with my self worth as a result. I wish that churches encouraged men and women to perceive the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and make the church a safe place to be, rather than telling people to squelch their concerns and stay in a place where we don’t feel safe or free to be ourselves.
Still ironing out these ideas and figuring out how to tell my story without hurting people or drudging up any drama with those that hurt me, but that’s what I’m wrestling with right now.
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I ended up weighing in with my own article on why I left these sorts of churches. wp.me/p31dyu-fE
I was raised DOC, like all denominations there are aswesome and terrible. The thing about DOC is they have no book but the Bible no creed but Christ and all are welcome to the communion table. That is the big and everything else is the little.But I LOVE my home church.
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