I was handed ‘A Personal Guide to Your Spiritual Journey’ pamphlet the other day.  As I prepared to open it, I wondered what kind of insights it would have into where I was, or where I should be in my faith.  I struggle with feeling like a very odd duck in church culture.  Our current sermon series at church on Faith isn’t helping me feel any more like an insider.  To go along with the series, they handed out this pamphlet:

I wanted to open it up and be affirmed that I was where I should be, where I thought I was.  I wanted proof from this hip-looking black and white paper that even though I struggle with the church and the appropriate way to follow Jesus, that I would be considered a mature christian.

I doubt myself so often, and I am constantly frustrated with the church culture around me, that I wanted to open this up and find some validity in who I am and what I believe.  I wanted my spiraling, crazy, questioning journey to be understood and approved.

But, alas, I gave too much care to what paper says.  Instead, it just become yet another thing that drives me crazy about evangelicals.  

****************************************************************

So I open up the pamphlet, and it’s divided into 2 sections – Searchers and Followers.  Each side has 3 labeled columns, describing a step in the journey, and the middle step is, obviously, ‘faith commitment’.  I try to start placing myself on the right side, of course.  But as I start reading, I find myself all over the map.

This is what I found on the Searchers side:

‘Negative view of Christianity and religion’.  Check.  (Falls under the ‘Not Interested’ column).

‘Realizes there is more to life’, ‘struggles with negative image of Christianity’.  Check. Check. (‘Curiously Seeking’)

‘Struggles with intellectualizing Christianity’.  WTH?  (Are they saying that you can’t think about it?  That there’s not a place for smart people here?  That you just have to have blind faith? Seriously??  That can’t be what that means.)

I actually see a lot of myself in the Searchers categories. 

This isn’t boding well for my sense of Christian maturity.

Onto the Followers side.

Under the ‘Experiencing New Life’ category:

‘Has entered into a mentoring relationship’.  Uh, no. 

‘Shares Christ naturally’.  Not even close. 

‘Struggles with changing value system’.  Umm…….I don’t even know what to say.

Under the ‘Is Growing in Community’ category:

‘Grows in intimacy through prayer and Bible study’.  How about a maybe.

‘Deepening relationship with other followers’.  Sort of.

‘Come under authority of Biblical values’.   Um, what??

‘Freedom over self-defeating habits’.  You mean I’m not considered a good Christian until I stop being lazy and get off Facebook?

‘Discovers not all Christians are growing’.  Yay for being judgmental and self-righteousness!

Under the ‘Living Missionally’ category:

‘Craves intimacy through spiritual disciplines’.  Finally, a yes, with a caveat.  Craving isn’t doing, so if that’s the case, then that’s another major fail.

‘Shares faith effectively’.  Haven’t we covered this?  Is faith separate from Jesus?

‘Mentors others spiritually’.  Ha! 

‘Gives generously’.  Do I get half a check for wanting to?

‘Serves their community’.  Sometimes, when it’s convenient.  Is that really serving, or just volunteering?

‘Understands the centrality of the gospel in their lives’.  I’m going to go way out on a limb and say I understand that sentence to mean something completely different than what the author intended.

So, you see, I have a dilemma.  On my paper journey, I’m not very far.  I think things that ‘non-christians’ think, and don’t think or do things that other Christians do.  But yet I consider myself a mature Christian.

Maybe I’m delusional.  Maybe I just don’t fit in.  Or maybe, just maybe….this tract doesn’t accurately describe the life of someone who follows Jesus.

 

 

 This is the first of a three-part series on Journey. Part one is A 36 Hour Road Trip and Some Churchy Thoughts