I changed my profile picture yesterday. There was some personal backlash from conservative family members.
A woman I used to go to church with, and haven’t talked to in years, posted a couple of times yesterday on my wall, explaining to me what the gospel really means, and who salvation is really for.
People are sharing that Rick Warren quote to defend their beliefs.
And I get it.
I used to be a hard-ass about all sorts of things. I was raised in and lived out a very black and white world. Black and white is nice and easy, in theory. But the real world is filled with all shades of gray, and, you know, rainbows.
So I understand the idea that we can’t condone sin. Because the only thing that makes Christians different from the rest of the world is our non-acceptance of sin.
I understand that we have to hate the sin and love the sinner. Because that’s what the Bible says. And the only thing that makes Christians different than the rest of the world is our absolute reliance on the Bible.
I get it. I get that we have to cling to our beliefs and our idolatry of the Bible. Because if we lose our beliefs, if we lose our hold on the Bible, what do we have left?
This of course doesn’t take into account the fact that this might not be sin. When we read the Bible in isolation, in a ‘plain’ way, without context and research and cultural awareness and ancient language knowledge, then of course, the Bible says. Of course we can cherry-pick verses that apply to 2013, without considering how verses have been cherry-picked throughout history to support all sorts of things.
I get it. We can’t question the Bible, we can’t support ‘sin’, because without the Bible and without beliefs, what do we have left?
But guess what? I don’t really care if LGBQT people are sinning by being who they are. That analysis doesn’t matter to me any more.
When people are committing suicide, I don’t care if they are sinning.
I want them to live.
When people are questioning if they are welcome at church, I don’t care if they are sinning.
I want them to be in community with people who love Jesus.
I get that people have their beliefs and idols. I get it. I have them too. All I would love to see is some honesty. “Yes, I want to love you the way you need to be loved, but my beliefs are in the way, and I don’t know how to reconcile them.” “Yes, I love you, and I understand this doesn’t feel like love to you, but I don’t know how to do this.”
Instead of insisting “I love you even though I don’t agree with you, why can’t you just see that I love you?”
Can we be honest about it, and not hide behind the guise of ‘hate the sin, love the sinner’ ?
Because that cliché just. isn’t. true.
How about I tell you that I hate that you overeat? That I think we should ban cupcakes? How about I tell you that I hate that I don’t exercise? That I think we should ban Jillian Michaels? (that’s not the same thing?) Because, guess what, I live in sin a lot. And I like it. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it!
So who the hell cares if we’re sinning?
I don’t care if being gay is a sin or not. I want you to live. Abundantly.
I am more concerned with how you live, how you love, if you feel loved. I will enter the gates of hell with you if it means that it keeps you alive. Beliefs and idolatry be damned. I don’t follow a book, I follow a person. A person, who, you know……broke the commandments.
I am not morally opposed to participating in ‘sin’, condoning ‘sin’, sitting with someone in their ‘sin’, if it breaks down the walls, it tears down the shame, if somehow we can find the grace of God in being honest human beings together.
People are at stake. I believe you can love someone even if they are wrong. Even if you are wrong. Even if I am wrong. I could be sinning by loving them, but I don’t care. I’ll go to hell then. I want to participate in resurrection, through the way of death. If I have to die to my beliefs, to my rightness, then let me die.
When we insist our beliefs, our interpretations of a book are more important than people, then we end up saying things like:
That church over there, don’t they speak in tongues?
That church over there that’s all fancy, all they do is stand up and sit down.
That church over there prays to idols.
That church over there is just rote liturgy.
That church over there baptizes adults!
That person over there was baptized as a baby!
That person over there is on welfare.
That person over there drinks.
That person over there is getting too liberal.
That person over there is going down the slippery slope.
That person over there is divorced.
That person over there is gay.
That person over there is weird.
That person over there is different.
That person over there is wrong.
That person over there is wrong, and I can’t support them.
That person over there is wrong, and I must tell them about my rightness.
That person over there is wrong, and I must enforce my rightness.
That person over there is wrong and can’t co-exist with me.
When we cling to our beliefs over people, then naturally, profile pictures become a battleground.
“But the real world is filled with all shades of gray, and, you know, rainbows.” Oh my gracious, I loved this line so much. Thank you, Caris.
Beautifully written, Caris. Oh, how I want more people to understand this. Love God. Love people. Period.
this is what i have been trying to put into words ever since hearing a pastor harshly rail against homosexuals and me finding it sat really uneasy with me. Thank you for writing this. I wish more people could see past their “rightness” and love others as themselves. <3
I’m glad you wrote this today, Caris.
Very well said. There should be no limits or conditions on love – and “being right” is terribly limiting and conditional. This was so good and so timely. Thank you!
Great post! I have a sister who is gay and I used to say, “I love her but not her lifestyle.” I’ve discovered you can’t do it!! I love my sister and her partner and their life together and how they love my kids and support my grandchildren by going to their shows and loving them, etc. The place I’ve landed is to love them whole-heartedly and support them in whatever way I can. I was invited to attend a reception in honor of their legal marriage in the State of Washington and I am honored to be able to celebrate with them!!
beautiful!
Oh yes, to all of this! So beautiful, Caris.
Lots to think about here. And I agree with what is (I think) your underlying point: are we loving people, self-sacrificially, or are we just trying to be “right”? That’s huge.
However, there are a few places where I’d want to respectfully urge more care. You say, “I don’t follow a book, I follow a person. A person, who, you know……broke the commandments.”
To say that Christ broke the commandments is grossly misleading. He took issue with the Pharisees understanding of the Sabbath commandment, not the commandment itself (Mt 12:1-14). Big difference!
If Christ broke the law at any point, Caris, then all of us are without hope. If he has not fulfilled the law (Mt 5:17), he cannot be our righteousness, our Saviour, the lover of our souls, our friend.
You rock. Sorry for the ridiculous pushback. With you.
Lovely. Thank you for posting. I, too, had trouble when I changed my profile picture. Plus, I posted information when we had the marriage equality vote in Maryland last Fall. It’s amazing how we Christians have used the Bible to do the exact opposite of what Jesus told us to do. In my humble opinion. Thanks for sticking with Christ. : -)
Thanks Emily. Sometimes my sarcasm works, haha!
Thank you Tammy!!
Me too.
Thanks Esther 🙂
Yeah, that is a good point. He broke their interpretation of the commandment, and in doing so really fulfilled it.
Thanks Kim. Getting this out was a helpful release 🙂
What a beautiful story. I have a couple of friends with a gay brother and as I’ve watched them treat him like a normal person!! It’s just been beautiful to see, and has really driven that point home for me, that you just have to love and know people, no matter what.
Thanks for reading 🙂 I would just clarify that I think we’re all trying to stick with Christ, just in different ways 🙂
Thank you Sarah!!
Thanks Karla!
Les Mis really helped bring that idea out, that we can be right, and could be doing something that was harmful to people. Such a fascinating thought.
thank you for writing this.
thank you for allowing us to be who we are.
your words and emotional sharing have really touched me.
blessings,
a.k.a.
torbakhopper
I was born into a christian family and attended a charismatic church for several years. In my late teens to my mid twenties I suffered several depressions, a divorce and became suicidal. In addition I turned my back to everything christian, ripped my bible apart and was seriously thinking of declaring myself atheist.
It’s all distant history now and I live a very fulfilling life with my best two best friends, Jesus and my wife . So how did the change about? By having christians sitting down to be sinful with me? There were certainly those who did. Too bad their only achievement was to keep me stuck int he sewage.
Those christians who helped me were those who did not at all accept my lifestyle, yet welcomed me to stay in their homes, fed me and and even helped me to apply for jobs – and yes, they did listen to me-. To love the sinner and hate the sin is not necessarily just hypocrisy, but sometimes a necessity in order to keep people alive.
English is not my first language and I do hope I have made my self understood.
-and I do like this page.
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