I’m feeling paralyzed.
There was an article the other day by Rachel Pieh Jones, asking ‘where are they? A significant challenge for nonprofits and ministries remains recruiting people who will commit to serve long-term outside the United States.”
I know where they are. They’re listening to everyone else who is telling them not to have a white savior complex and save the world.
We hear about how we’re doing short–term missions wrong, and maybe it isn’t even effective – and we’re ending up with people who have never been overseas in the short run, so why would they want to in the long run?
*****
I have had writer’s block for a while now, for a variety of reasons. But one of them was this post by Sarah Bessey. Every time someone says or does something that strikes a chord in me, which I’ve normally tended to use as a jumping off point for writing, I now freeze and wonder if I’m misappropriating their story, their sentence, their action. And so I don’t write about it. Misusing story is a big theme in the blogging world right now and it’s scaring me off.
*****
And then, Fitch the Homeless. I watched the video and shared it. Yeah, I was a little uncomfortable with the actual video, but I thought his end goal was good. But of course, now I wonder, do homeless shelters even need clothes?
*****
I saw someone on Twitter last week say that the internet had made them afraid to say anything to any woman on Mother’s Day, with all the awareness of how difficult the day can be for so many.
I kind of feel that way about everything right now. Afraid to write or say or share anything, because someone, somewhere is going to disagree, and people will band together to say ‘you’re not doing it right.’
And I’m sure Rachel and Sarah and all the other bloggers and advocates whom I love and respect would say ‘I’m just one person with an opinion’, but the problem is, they are wise opinions that we should be listening to.
Misusing stories? Deeply damaging.
Not telling your own view because you’re worried about the opinions of others? Just as unhealthy.
Americans treating missions as insulting tourism? Very wrong.
No Americans willing to suffer for others? Failure of the gospel.
Taking down a sexist and racist company? Great.
Casting homeless people in a supporting role? Demeaning.
Giving clothes to needy people? Apparently, ambiguous.
It feels like if your efforts aren’t done perfectly, social media will be there to point out all your mistakes and any ways in which it is offensive or oppressive.
And yet, awareness is good and change is great. But motives and actions are never going to be flawless.
And with 350 million people in our country alone, people are going to be offended, and someone, somewhere, is going to feel insulted or oppressed.
So what do we do with this? What do I do with this? I don’t want to end up complacent with my ‘good deeds’ or remain ignorant to the ways in which I could do better, be better, love more. But at the same time, it all feels like a big case of ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t‘. Which is paralyzing.
Is there room for us to say, ‘this isn’t how I would handle it, and here’s why,’ instead of Twitter collectively shouting ‘YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG!’ (Seriously, I logged on to Twitter this afternoon, joking to myself, I wonder what the scandal of the day is……..and there is one. It’s honestly kind of exhausting.)
Someone tells their story and misunderstands the term feminism, and people get upset. The collective ‘no, this is horrible’ to the Fitch video yesterday made me throw up my hands and say, ‘Screw it! Why bother trying to do anything good?’ RPJ’s wanting Americans to come overseas made me want to ask, which way is it?
I am trying to learn how to love people better. And I deeply appreciate the way I have been pushed, pulled, and challenged over the last year that I’ve been in the social media world. But just as I dislike fundamentalism in the church, I’m coming to see that I dislike fundamentalism in everything.
I’m wondering if I need to bring the same tension I find in the greys of faith, to the process of loving. Maybe that same wrestling spirit I use in church needs to be brought to all of life.
Because there can’t be (with 6 billion people, I know there isn’t) only one way to live and die for people.
We need the both/and and the slash in-between. I’m not called to complacency or ignorance, but I’m also not called to perfection.
And maybe that’s kind of the point of life, the point of following Jesus. To sit in the slash between it all, wrestling.
But some days, the fight exhausts me. Some weeks I find myself firmly in the middle, unable to decide.
Paralyzed by the slash.
Wonderful post! I feel this way often, and I try not to use the scandal of the day to base my posts on because I don’t want to just react (like the Sarah Bessey article) and point out why the person is wrong (according to me). I like to use them to point out the good things I read, and offer my own take, but I rarely (if ever?) react to a specific story.
Girl, you rocked this topic. I’ve been struggling with the tensions, too, and paralyzed by it. I want to say that the days when I’m not blogging I am doing or writing something more important, but if I’m being really honest it’s because I’m terrified and I’ve lost any sense of my own voice. Thanks for being so honest about your struggles. It’s giving freedom to us all.
I know; sometimes I feel like I can’t write a post because I might use the wrong definition of the word “the”…
Perfect. That is all.
Oh girl!!!! You rocked it. I appreciate your honest and call to action – to simply just be you. Be who you are. The world may never agree with you words and that’s okay. Offenses must come. That verse played over and over as I read your post. Your voice matters. Even it it began from the ground of another’s garden. I love your bravery and vulnerability. Keep writing. Don’t you dare stop !!!!
Wow. This really captures the challenges and tensions of the online world of late.
I’ve had some conversations about this stuff, and there’s a tension between giving people space to correct us in the way we see fit but also with the kind of environment we create. It almost becomes like a gotcha journalism approach. And while someone should call me out for my oversights, the way that person does it can make a huge difference. I want to be corrected, but I want to be corrected as a potential ally, not as someone who is an enemy who must be exposed and shamed.
Excellent post. Honest, grace-filled. I’ve felt this way about telling/not telling stories, and about the whole ‘white savior complex’ thing. My husband and I talk about it – we’re white, we live in Africa, we’re trying to help. Should we just not? But that doesn’t seem like what Jesus would do. And that essay on CT – I have so much to learn about ethical choices but feel so overwhelmed with, well, everything, that I haven’t been able to focus on it so I feel that tension, the slash.
I remember in college, trying to learn how to study the Bible and fast and pray and love people and memorize scripture and I said to a friend: Its like being in a pool filled with ping pong balls and I can only keep a few down at a time. Just when I feel like I’ve got social justice down, taking risks pops up. Just when I feel like I have a handle on prayer, I am a total failure when it comes to fasting…as we challenge and critique and try to do/live/love better, we all need grace, big time. From God, on ourselves, and on each other.
I write best when I turn off the internet and when I try to shut down all the imaginary criticisms and even the positive comments and just concentrate on what I’m feeling led to do. (And just as a side note, I know everyone isn’t going to move overseas and I don’t think everyone should, that’s a big reason why I quoted Tama-Sweet who lives in Portland. And from what I read of your stuff, you are someone I think of who is in the trenches, loving people with your life.)
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Caris, this is so, so good. We are all in the midst of this right now, now? Like I shared the other day on my post on perfectionism, we are being fed the lie that we must somehow naturally be perfect Christians or feminists or Christian feminists or ethical consumers or generous givers or whatnot. We should simply just know somehow, when really this should be about learning and living and growing and making mistakes. And on a personal note, I think about this all the time when I sip my coffee (not fair trade right now) or don’t include an asterisk next to ever mention of women and their experiences with rape culture since, you know, we need to include trans* folks. There is a healthy balance between learning and becoming more informed, and being politically correct.
I love Twitter. It’s my window into the richness of the lovely world of blogging. But there are days, probably most days, where it lives up to its name, right? Which is why I have to take one day a week to deliberately stay off of social media for my sanity.
I’ve struggled with a lot of this, too. You put it into words so well. You inspired me to finally blog about the thoughts on storytelling I’ve been keeping down for a while, because of the paralysis you so deftly pegged. Thank you for being a voice for our concerns.
Great post, Caris. You’ve articulated something intangibly felt by so many of us.
I’m finding the same thing. I’m just stuck in all of my writing. I’m hoping this unintended hiatus will end up being a good thing, though.
Thanks, Holly 🙂
You are just awesome Marvia!!
Gotcha journalism is exactly how it feels sometimes. Perfect phrase.
Thanks Rachel. I love that imagery of the ping pong balls. I am glad there are people serving overseas, because if there weren’t, then it seems like it would be a lot harder to learn about and from other cultures. I think ‘missions’ is benefiting from people like you who are trying to show a healthier way of loving people.
Healthy balance, yes. I wonder how much church plays into this perfection thing. The way you worded this reminded me of a couple of things I’ve heard at church lately, basically about how we’re supposed to not mess up. Kind of harmful thinking, I think.
Being intentional about taking a break seems like a better solution than waiting until you’re fed up and just run away from it, lol.
Thanks, Sarah.
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well hey there. i appreciate hearing your perspective, and i’m sad, too, cuz the last thing i’m here for is to make anyone feel like shit. maybe i’ll write a follow-up? i never intended to convey that it’s better to do nothing at all than to risk pissing off the self-righteous justice league, but i guess now i can see how it could be read like that, and i’m sorry if i made you feel put-down for seeing it a different way. we all see things a different way–that’s why there is such value in folks sharing–and hearing–different perspectives. we need your voice, too.
you wondered if shelters need clothes. the best thing is absolutely to ask, and that was part of my beef with fitch, that there was no sense of their asking homeless people or agencies what kind of help they needed. (i have a story about my own naive fumbling in this realm that i may share this week.) it worked as a clever bit of corporate sabotage, but it’s damn near impossible to actively demean the brand and esteem the homeless with the brand at the same time, you know? i meant to train my laser on that be-all-things aspect of the campaign and for it to play as a bit of media literacy–not at all as a public shaming of anyone, least of all the folks who resonated with the clip and truly desire to serve.
i’m learning, too, and i’m grateful for your voice, the slash, and the wrestling.
(FWIW, what you describe as a fight i generally perceive as a puzzle. “Even when an INTP is arguing with someone, this should be taken with a grain of salt – they might as well be arguing with their own mind.” pretty much. this is why thinkers need feelers to balance us out! xo)
Well I linked to you because I loved your post. 🙂 And I saw your tweet about not shaming, just discussing, and I get that. We do need people pointing out the pitfalls, and I’ve done plenty of that too. I think blog posts do come across more as puzzling things out, which is why I love the format. Twitter can just feel a lot more reactionary sometimes, which is probably a hazard of the limitations. But we’re good – no shit feelings here, haha. 🙂 Can’t wait until this weekend!
Oh my goodness gracious YES! It’s about time somebody said it! Thank you for doing it well and generously!
Yes, yes. I’ve felt this deep in my belly in recent months, the fear of doing or saying it all wrong and exposing my well intentioned words to unwanted Twitter flaming. It becomes easier, doesn’t it, to just zip our lips, tie up our fingers and post iPhone snapshots of knitting projects? Thank you for wording it all so perfectly.
Great post. I totally get this too- seems like so often, everyone on twitter is all angry about something- and maybe that something actually is wrong/offensive, but it gets blown out of proportion and suddenly everyone’s attacking one person… 🙁
And short-term missions is kind of a puzzle for me too. Seems odd to spend thousands and thousands of dollars to send a bunch of inexperienced Americans overseas for a few weeks- couldn’t that money be better spent elsewhere? But… I went to China on a short-term mission trip a few years ago and it changed my life and now I’m actually moving to China. So there’s that. 🙂
Hello,
I am very glad to have found people asking themselves this question. It is something my consciousness has been constantly challenged with these days, and even though my mind seems to know the answer my heart has remained unconvinced and in turmoil. Finding people who affirm that we can indeed act, so long as we do it through consciousness, seems to help me move along.
One of the things that I do carry with me is the parable of the beam and the mote. There is also this poem (one of many from the Tao Te Ching) which to me resonates very much within :
The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.
Their wisdom was unfathomable.
There is no way to describe it;
All we can describe is their appearance.
They were careful
As someone crossing an iced-over stream.
Alert as a warrior in enemy territory.
Courteous as a guest.
Fluid as melting ice.
Shapable as a block of wood.
Receptive as a valley.
Clear as a glass of water.
Do you have the patience to wait
Till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
Till the right action arises by itself?
The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment.
Not seeking, not expecting,
She is present, and can welcome all things.