Why an Episcopal Church, some people have asked me, and the simple answer is ‘because of Madeleine L’Engle’. But the actual answer involves Lauren Winner, Phyllis Tickle, Sara Miles, and Barbara Brown Taylor, a messy year, random Twitter conversations, and a blog post by a Pentecostal preacher. How can I describe what reading books and seeing a common trend of ritual is like? How do I explain how learning about embodied theology and Eucharist made me fall in love with liturgy? How do you describe something so indescribable as faith?
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Every week they play a hymn at the beginning of church. It’s just music with no words, but I hear them anyway. My kids don’t. I want them to know hymns. I want them to know the history of worship music. I want them to sing words like
O God of every nation,
of every race and land,
redeem the whole creation
with your almighty hand.
I want words like that to form me.
“All habits and practices are ultimately trying to make us into a certain kind of person. So one of the most important questions we need to ask is: Just what kind of person is this habit or practice trying to produce, and to what end is such a practice aimed?” –Desiring the Kingdom
I grew up thinking history and tradition were stifling and restricted God, who can only work in newness (but apparently not too new). But I’m finding that it requires humility to respect the wisdom of people who have gone before us.
It’s funny, really, how I was so unhappy, hurt, excluded, disagreed, whatever, at other churches, and I was searching for a place that fit me. And yet I am finding a home in a place that is precisely not about me, even as it invites me into the life of Christ. My experience of church isn’t dependant on a pastor’s whims, or on what new trend will get people in the door. For hundreds of years, people have been acknowledging every week the faith that grounds us, the Scriptures that inform us, and the community that shapes us.
Participating in the liturgy is an exercise in humility. This gets said whether or not I am there, and my opinion on it is irrelevant. It is humble, in that it reaches down to our depths and speaks grace. It gives space for our humanness, acknowledges brokenness, and provides the means to confess and participate in grace.
My favorite part, hands down, is the confession. There is something powerful in acknowledging every week that you’ve messed up – both in activity and passivity.
We confess that we have sinned against you
in thought, word, and deed,
by what we have done,
and by what we have left undone.
We have not loved you with our whole heart;
we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.
That just says it all, doesn’t it?
I love saying the creed, the Lord’s Prayer. I love saying them with my family. I think forming ourselves around liturgy is important, and doing it communally reminds me that this whole thing is not about me, and that I am not alone.
Why the Episcopal Church?
Because of the 16 year old black teenager and the 65 year old white man being ushers together.
Because of the different people, men and women, who read the Bible. The fact that some of them are bad readers and yet they do it anyway.
Because of the church calendar that follows the path of Jesus’ life. It’s being a part of the global church, the lectionary crossing denominational divides.
It’s the open, welcoming, inclusive reputation, and the affirmation of women.
It’s the pulpit off to the side. It’s having the Eucharist as the main event, the weekly event, and the invitation gets me every time:
“This is the table, not of the Church, but of the Lord. It has been made ready for those who love him and who want to love him more. So, come, you who have much faith and you who have little, you who have been here often and you who have not been for a long time, you who have tried to follow and you who have failed. Come, it is our Lord who invites you.”
And yes, some of it is awkward and weird, and I don’t quite understand all of it, and I had to go out and buy church clothes for the kids. But I know even the things I don’t get are rooted in respect, honoring the sacred not just with our minds, but with our bodies. It is a tradition that is holistic.
“In a world where faith is often construed as a way of thinking, bodily practices remind the willing that faith is a way of life.” – Barbara Brown Taylor
I have fallen in love with something that is bigger than me, with a history that has endured wars and cultures and the latest fads of the day.
I don’t do much formative activity during the week – not the beneficial kind of formation, at any rate. And so I want there to be a place where the wisdom of the ages is respected, where prayers are said, where communion is a way of meeting God in a tangible way.
Rather than just saying the Bible is important, they actually read, you know, all of it. And long parts, not just isolated verses out of context. It feels like ‘respecting the authority of Scripture’ is more authentic when we submit to the text of the day, and not simply reading or preaching on whatever topic the pastor deems to be important.
What is Sunday Church anyway? Is it a place we gather just to sing and hear a sermon? Or is it a place to participate in the Bible, the prayers, the wisdom, and the Table?
“We become a people who desire the kingdom insofar as we are a people who have been trained to imagine the kingdom in a certain way.” – Imagining the Kingdom
I’m learning that church isn’t about me. It’s not necessarily about what I like or what makes me comfortable. It’s about what’s good for me, what will form me.
So, why the Episcopals?
Because as I have been untangling my identity, they have been the thread that consistently leads me to Jesus.
(A note on my wonderful husband, since this whole church thing has been memememe. In discussing where we’d go, he said ‘I’d rather go somewhere that I’m uncomfortable and you are happy, instead of somewhere that I’m comfortable and you’re miserable.’ Isn’t he the best? So thankful for his easy-going personality.)
Love those lyrics from that hymn–which one is it? The church I go to doesn’t do this type of liturgy, and, at times, I miss it. But when I did it regularly, I didn’t appreciate it!
The confession and the invitation to take the Eucharist just gave me chills! I need to get my hands on a book of common prayer.
Love this, Caris. I so relate. Thank you for continuing to share about your church and faith journey.
right? My husband got me the BCP for christmas several years ago, and I sporadically do the morning prayers alone. So then to say it out loud, with other people? It’s so cool.
One that I’d never heard before, but all 4 stanzas are so good. http://www.hymnary.org/text/o_god_of_every_nation
thanks Natalie!
Thank you Caris. I’ve been attending Anglican services for probably ten years now and you’ve expressed so nearly perfectly what drew and kept me here. A Liturgical service seems from a distance to be cold and formal, but when the Spirit, the Word, and Sacrament are all together the individual is shaped, helped, healed, and yet respected. I know that is not everyone’s experience, but your words so capture what has been my experience.
So happy for you!
I LOVE this. this is so amazing.
I love the church I’m in, but I’ve been thinking about slipping into an Anglican service or even a Catholic mass, just to close my eyes and fall deeply at His feet. beyond thrilled that you have found a place where you can nestle at His feet and call Home.
Big smile! I am pretty sure I am headed there myself. I had friends of the Episcopal persuasion growing up. I loved their gentle, beautiful ways of worship. Yes, Madeleine. I have been a secret and want to be co-congregant since I met (through her works) so many years ago. This summer my oldest daughter and I are going to visit her church in NY. ( It is mentioned often in her books.)
I am so happy that you are finding a sense of home and peace.
Your husband is a dang good fella.
I’ve been a part of the Episcopal Church in Mexico for two years now.
It’s been absolutely life changing.
I’m so glad your husband as been supportive.
It really helps when the family worships together in unison.
You know how I feel about this 🙂
I’m so thankful that this new journeying step is fanning that faith flame in your heart, causing it grow. Bigger and beyond you and anything you thought it could be.
I feel the same way about my new journey in attending Nadia’s church. It’s so rooted in faith, acceptance and liturgy. I think it’s the liturgy that keeps drawing me back. I see such the beauty of Christ in it and then then holiness grows. And then I sob.
I love you. I’m glad we are starting new churches at the same time, we can walk the road together.
I think my husband and yours would get along well. He’s the same way. After relocating, I have just not really known how to find a liturgical church again. I miss the one I left back in S.C. I guess Chicago is way too big for me; the choices are overwhelming. But your post is enticing me to dig around a little. 🙂
Oh, just wait until Advent and Christmas, Caris. You’re going to be blessed! At least, I would count on it. Do they do incense at your church? (Love it!) I’m excited for you.
By the way, I am super jealous you are going to Nadia’s church. But also thrilled for you. 🙂
I’m a pastor in Chicago and very connected… If you are interested in searching for some great churches… let me know!
Love this!
Emily, thank you. I live in Willowbrook. How shall I contact you?
Hi Jamie, you can email me at pastoremilyh@gmail.com. Looking forward to hearing from you.
I LOVE this, Caris. It reminds me so much of my experiences at my first little Episcopal church (and now my Anglican one). My favorite part is also confession. I love hearing it out loud: my sins are forgiven. I love admitting that I’m not perfect, every week, instead of trying to keep it together. And I love joining with all sorts of people all over the world, to speak the same words.
I just found this… and have to say this has been pretty much my experience with the Anglicans. They are so different to anything I’ve ever experienced before, and the liturgical way of worship was so foreign to start with, but 6yrs in, it’s all starting to make sense. Although I still don’t get Lent… My favourite thing is the Eucharist, every week, without fail. Love it!
Thanks for answering my tweet here Caris. I’m so glad you found a church that consistently leads you to Jesus.