I live where I do in large part because of people like downwardly mobile D.L., and Grace, Christena, and Suzannah, and because of their slow and steady dripping words about race and privilege.  I live in a poorer sort of neighborhood on the blacker side of town.  And before we moved, I had read books on ‘missional living’, being rooted in a community, and being a good neighbor.

But here’s the thing.  I’m a pretty crappy neighbor.  According to those books, at least.  I rarely talk to my neighbors.  I don’t know their names, except for the white lady across the street, who is nice, but wants to gentrify our neighborhood.  I try and sit on my porch, to wave and say hi to everyone who walks or rides by.  I’m really working on that universal non-verbal greeting – the head nod.  But my uncoordinated instinct is to nod down instead of up, and I always remember too late, so I probably look like I’m saying yes every time I say hi.

And honestly, the porch sitting is more so they know we’re a nice family, not *that* kind of a white family.  It’s not really because I want to chat everyone up.  Like I said.  I’m a pretty crappy neighbor.

So, of course, I have a lot of guilt over this.

Why did I move somewhere to be a good neighbor, and yet don’t want to invite everyone over for a cookout?   Why does my strong introversion have to make me such an awful person?

But as I was lying in bed the other night, I realized my passivity could be a good thing.

When you hear a group of teens laughing and then hear motorcycles being raced down the road at 1 am – not calling the police is a nice thing to do.  When a bunch of kids get together to watch a movie projected on their garage, and the bass vibrates obnoxiously in your house for 90 minutes – that’s also a good time to not call the police, or even go over and ask them to stop.

Pausing and considering makes me put myself in their shoes and think about how much fun they’re having and that it’s not hurting me.

Spending my time reading books and blogs about social issues, instead of expecting my neighbors to be my teachers means I am aware of how race and the justice system works and I understand the ramifications of getting the police involved in neighborhood issues.

Being a passive person means that it is way easier for me to sit back and observe, listen, and learn, without plowing into a situation and being offensive.

Being a quiet neighbor means not saying anything at the playground when swear words are no different from any other sort of words, and they all flow out seamlessly.

Being a laid back neighbor means not getting easily offended, easily angered.  It means I try not to get annoyed or disgusted at the garbage next door that I can see from my porch, or the way their house is kind of falling apart.  It’s remembering that repairs are expensive, and frankly, our own yard could stand to be mowed.

It’s entirely possible I’m just really not a good neighbor and all of this is a grand exercise in self-justification.  Maybe I really should be planning block parties and chatting up all the houses around me.

But I think maybe being a person who isn’t actively pissing off all her neighbors is also a good way to live.

I don’t really know.  My neighbors seem to be those ‘keep to themselves’ kinds of people.