So it’s Pentecost. And I’m sitting at home listening to Breakeven, Bad Blood, and watching Birdman (which is a weird movie).

 

I’m still alive but I’m barely breathing….

 

Still got scars on my back from your knife

So don’t think it’s in the past, these kind of wounds they last and they last.

 

It’s been a rough week in a lot of ways, and the news has left me wondering – what spirit are Christians™ listening to? The spirit that is freedom? That is liberation? Because the main spirit I see being honored is power. Tomorrow we celebrate a holiday that honors sacrifices for the Empire under the guise of freedom, but true freedom is silenced and denied in the church? Is this really the hill Christians™ want to die on?

 

I’m angry because the thing about power is that the people who have it can ignore those who don’t. They can ignore the pain they cause. They convince each other they’ve done nothing wrong, and the actual Pew statistics walking out their doors are just a result of bitterness and anger and unforgiveness, and if we could only understand Grace and Jesus, everything would be ok.

Now we got problems

And I don’t think we can solve them

You made a really deep cut

And baby now we got bad blood

Humans are just terrible people. We are. Oh sure, we’re also fantastic people capable of so much beauty and goodness, but we are also just.so.bad to each other.

We hold grudges, we judge too harshly, we damage each other’s brains and suffer the consequences, we are ignorant of our histories, we would rather walk on the other side of the street instead of helping the wounded in the road, because it’s easier, and we’re all just tired and busy and apathetic.

But the people in power get to live their tired, busy, and apathetic lives on their terms. Christians™ in power, Christians™ with resources can live their entire lives and pursue entire careers without having their lives affected by wounded, bleeding, hurt, messy people.

White, privileged, apathetic Christians™ can live their entire lives ignoring the screams of the wounded. How very Jesus of them.

And they wonder why we’re so mad.

The people without power – the pew-fillers, the unplatformed, the ones not married to the pastors, the ones not the pastors, the ones not on city council, or on the school board, the ones without money, the one without white skin – they all just have to get with the program or shut up.

 

‘I’m not trying to silence you but….’

‘If you don’t like it, fine, but stop making it look bad to other people.’

‘How could you vote like that?’

‘How could you think like that?’

‘Why are you supporting something the Bible says is wrong?’

 

But yes, wring your hands over the Pew report. Deny that it has anything to do with the treatment of the LGBTQ community. Pretend there is no issue with the fact that Tamir Rice was a 12 year old black boy and Josh Duggar was a 14 year old white boy (You say sorry just for show). Ignore the fact that every struggling Christian or ex-christian that you know has one, if not several, stories of being witness to church abuse and scandals.

 

There are so many stories, I wonder if it’s getting close to being scientific fact.

Observe:

If enough of us witness the same dynamic, is it true?

Verify:

Gather a large group of people. Put one or two ‘leadership-material’ people in charge. Put money on the line. Throw Jesus in the mix.

See who gets preferential treatment.

Observe who leaves and why.

 

What happens when you find better humans outside of the church?

What happens when you continually find the Christian™ system is addicted to power?

At what point does it stop being a few isolated bitter millenials and becomes a systemic issue within white American Christendom?

 

These lyrics keep rolling in my head (are these Jesus-is-my-boyfriend-but-we-broke-up songs?):

Did you have to do this?

I was thinking that you could be trusted

Did you have to ruin what was shining now it’s all rusted

 

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re OK?

I’m falling to pieces

 

How loud do people have to scream before they’re heard?

How vivid do our scars have to be in order to be seen?

You all climb the hill to cultural relevance, the money and supposed authority that comes with it, and you don’t even see the ground you are walking on is us. Or if you do see, you don’t care.

I’m not sure which is worse.

Is that really worth it? Is that what you really want to be known for? Defending Josh Duggar instead of abuse victims? Defending police instead of murder victims? Defending Tony Jones instead of domestic violence survivors? Propping up megachurches and their pastors instead of seeking justice?

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Birdman Movie CLIP – Relevant (2014) – Emma Stone, Michael Keaton Movie HD

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I hope it’s worth it, Christians™.

Because the bad thing, for you, is that Pentecost reminds us that God, the Spirit, Jesus, can all be found without you, outside of you, in spite of you.

Hallelujah and go fuck yourselves.